The Things You Miss

Thankfully the one thing they seemed to have prepared me for before I left was to think about all of the things you would miss and the decide if you were willing to miss those things. One of the hardest parts of the decision to come to Africa was to decide if I was willing to miss certain things. I did a pros and con’s list. I made the decision to go but it didn’t mean those moments weren’t important.

The first thing and maybe the hardest event I was going to miss was my best friends bridal shower and bachelorette. Telling Ari that I was leaving was hard but she was so kind and so supportive. Even better she found a way to keep me included in her events. She and her friend Sarah (another member of the bridal party) made sure to include me in the festivities, including setting up video chats for both events. I am forever grateful for that.

Another big consideration (there were lots) was that I would miss ski season. Sounds silly, doesn’t it? But after over 15 years of not having ski boots and finally getting them the year before, mid-season, I was looking forward to skiing over the winter, and to a trip we had planned. Next year I will get a chance to ski so it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.

I missed events like birthdays and other celebrations. There were many things at home I wanted to attend. There are also the holidays that I missed, like Easter, but gratefully my family arranged a video call back with them so I could chat with people Then there was my birthday, which I had made a bunch of plans for and when I came here, I decided to forego that.

There are dozens of things I missed. Thankfully, with the current level of technology and the fact that I do have some WiFi access I am able to sometimes be there virtually. And in the grand scheme of things, giving up these mostly relatively small moments, to try and give back, is worth it. But sometimes it is hard.

And I miss other things. I miss hugs, real and genuine hugs. I miss spending time with friends, without the suspicion of other people over what I am doing. I miss my family and my dog. I miss the foods from home. I miss home in general.

But missing things isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It is a constant reminder of how much I have to be grateful for, and what I have to look forward to when I return. I have many blessings and am so very lucky in so many ways, so for that, missing things is a good thing.

I will be home soon enough. I will get to be with family and friends soon. I will go to all of my favorite places and see some of my favorite people. Until then I look at the photos I have scattered around my room and remember that I am trying to bring some of the wonderful things to the people here.

Maybe they won’t get it now, but I hope their future is one where they worry less about where their next meal is coming from and can plan parties and celebrations. They can worry about less life and death things.

The US is by no means perfect, but sometimes it is aggravating being here and seeing how much we have there and how ungrateful we often are for everything. But I miss that too. I can never live without the knowledge of what life is like here anymore. And when I go home, there will be things here I will miss too.