The Price of Being Female

It is not easy being a woman in South Sudan, which is probably why I write so much about the women here. Besides part of my position here is to focus on serving the women in South Sudan. Now before I write this, I want to say that not all the men in South Sudan are bad, but the culture and society here have created some pretty toxic situations for women here. Each of the stories I am going to share are just bits of situations or experiences that women have here.

Story 1: Betty

Betty is 12 years old. She comes in to the maternity unit on evening. No, she is not pregnant. She was raped. I won't go into the details much of that case. I picked up the case the next day.

I was rounding in maternity when I was directed to this patient. Alongside another midwife I interviewed the patient. She didn't want to discuss much of what happened to her. I kept trying to chat with her. It took her quite a while, and a lot of translation challenges, to open up.

She is feeling suicidal. She has a plan to take all her pills. I look over at the bed she was on, where several packages of different medications are laying, certainly enough to harm her, probably end her life.

By the time she is finished talking with us though, she is feeling slightly less suicidal. She has a reason to live. She has a dream and wants to go to school to be a midwife too. She has been watching, and listening to the midwives here and she likes what they are doing. Still, we have to be careful and take steps to make sure she is safe, like removing the medications from her bed, and having a responsible adult to give them to her.

After a little while and more talking throughout the day, more of the story comes out. Betty was raped by her friend of her family, someone who lives right next door to her. Now the family has already started the process to arrest him and press charges. We are told that his is in jail.

Over the next few days, the staff continue to assess how Betty is doing, and if she is physically and mentally ready for discharge. She is cleared and ready to go. We make plans to follow up a week later.

The week passes and she and the family never come back. We try to contact the family but have no luck. Unfortunately, without the medical and mental health follow up, the rape case will probably not get charged and the man has already been released from jail, so he will likely not face any more consequences.

This is not uncommon here. The way the system works for prosecuting rape cases is even more challenging and complicated than the one in the US. In other cases, the family will choose to handle it themselves. Sometimes this means "justice" in the form of them killing the rapist, other times it means that the family choses to do nothing.

In the end I have no closure and no idea what happened with Betty. I pray for her and hope things will get better. I hope she will have the chance to go after a career she wants. I hope she gets help for her trauma. She has my contact information and knows where she can get services. I will hope and pray for a safer and happier future for her.

Story 2: Miranda

Miranda has been married about 10 years. She had 3 children with her husband. Her youngest is not yet 1 year old. When Miranda got married, she was living near her family, but she and her husband chose to move to be closer to his husband's family. So, she is hundreds of miles from her own family.

After nearly 10 years together things are no longer good. They are worse than not good. Her husband regularly beats her. Her in-laws turn their attention to other things, and ignore what she tells them.

The beatings are coming more often. They are getting worse. She knows he is going to kill her one day. She has no way to stop him. She has tried to have his family intervene. They tell her these are just marital problems. Her family is far away.

She has no one to help her. The police won't do anything. Any money she gets from working she doesn't get to keep. She has limited resources. Her husband doesn't want her to leave him but he's not willing to change. She feels stuck in a no-win situation.

So, what does she do. Does she stay until he kills her? Does she try and run away and leave the kids behind? Does she try and take the kids? Divorce- even though he would refuse that option?

Story 3: Janelle

When Janelle was 14, she was still attending school. She had ambition and hopes to complete school and then to go on and advance herself and her education by going to college. She wanted to have a career where she could build a better future for herself and the life she wanted. But at 14 Janelle was forced into a marriage with an adult male.

Child marriages are technically illegal here in South Sudan. Technically, but the reality that each day girls under 18 become wives. Then they become mothers. Often there is little done to stop these marriages from happening. Women and girls are valued for what they can bring as a bride-price, or for their dowry. Some when a family needs money they can choose to marry of their daughters.

Many of the girls delivering babies on the maternity unit are married. Some of them to other teenage boys, but some to older men. It is not even shocking to my colleagues that 14- and 15-year-old girls are married and delivering babies here every day.

At 14 Janelle is married. She is "lucky" and is allowed to continue with her schooling. At 15 Janelle is pregnant and attending school. At 15 Janelle delivers twins. She is again "lucky" because she is allowed to return to school while still taking care of her children. She can continue her education when many other girls drop out as soon as they deliver a child.

At 17 Janelle finds herself pregnant again. At 17 she is almost done with school, still going to classes, and pregnant again. Close to exams she gives birth again. She takes a break from classes to care for her children, but is able to come back in time to take exams and complete school. Janelle has done what many girls cannot do. She completed her final year and has a high school level education

Janelle's story doesn't end there. She gets pregnant again. This time she is attending higher education. She is dedicated to finishing this education. She gives birth gain. She is still going to school.

By the time Janelle finishes her education and working she is in her late 20s and has 7 children. She still wants to advance her career, but she is taking care of her children and her family. She also is taking care of children her husband had with another wife. Janelle has dreams, but she also has priorities and limited options here.

Still, she is somewhat lucky because she has had a chance to work and earn an income. Not every 14-year-old child-bride gets this chance. But still we hope for a future where there are no child brides and girls are allowed to go choose a husband. When they want to get married, they can. They can finish their education and become real adults.

These are just 3 stories of 3 different females here in South Sudan. There are worse stories. There are better stories. There are some happy women here. There are some women with good lives and good relationships. But in my role here, and in my service to the community here, I listen to women share the hard stories. I hear the stories that are more common than the good relationships and happy lives. I hear the heartbreak. And I am trying to do my small part to try and help. There is still much work to do and more people that need to get involved.