Work Week Rambles

The second full week of work starts the same as the previous week: a two hour meeting early Monday morning. I struggle to follow some of what they are discussing, as it is about different projects CMMB is working on and I have not been told about many of them so I am not sure what is going on. I tuned in and out during the meeting and spent part of it trying to remember different people’s names. I am struggling with that still.

Then I am back in my office. Sitting at my computer. Typing educational materials. I feel as though no one knows what to do with me. I asked to go into the community and to go to the PHC to shadow different people and get a better understanding what is needed during my time here. Instead, I am sitting in my office typing.

I finished on project only to be told before I do anything else I need to meet with someone else in an official office here to see what information I am allowed to educate on what materials I am allowed to use. Maybe this should have been a meeting that took place that first week. I believe it will be via a phone call but at this point we don’t know when I am going to meet with her.

I feel like a ship floating lost at sea. What am I supposed to do with my time? I want to be productive. I would love to go meet with people in the health center or see a patient or two. I am starting to miss the patient care. I know I am not someone who loves sitting in an office typing all day. Even if I am going to teach, I want to be out and about.

Overall, I feel unproductive. But I am told that this can be normal. Things move at a different pattern and pace here. Slowly at times. And I have to remember things are so different from what they were in the US.

And as I sit here trying to productively fill my time, I wonder if this is why so often mental health care is not done in places such as this, and why mental health nurse volunteer opportunities are so hard to find. With nowhere to go and being unsure of what to do next I fill my remaining Monday with more work on the projects I have already started, praying that the others will not be a waste of time and that I can use them soon.

Frustration may be a tool I utilize while I am here. I walked over to the office of one of my colleagues and asked her what she wanted me to do with my time as I had nothing I was working on. This brought me to the hospital in Yambio. I have only been to the PHC so it was good to see what the hospital has. The compound is large. They have a pediatric ward, maternity unit, surgical unit, lab, and family planning. There may be more but that was what I saw.

While at the hospital I met one of the case workers who works with Gender Based Violence (GBV) victims. Meeting her was helpful as one of the areas the organization would like me to support is her and her work. We chatted and I better understand how case management works for GBV. If there are patient’s willing to see me, she will let me know so I can attempt to assist.

Anyways, being frustrated at times pushes me to ask people to do things which may be an asset. I think I am going to need to do a lot of pushing to get things started. And then I am going to have to wait for the necessary people to then have time to work with me. But if I can use some of that frustration and restlessness to get more done that’s good. Idle hands and all…

Tuesday starts off slow. I am late to work, which is no big deal because I am sitting in my office, doing more research, and listening to the world around me. I have ideas and things I want to do with my time here but now I am waiting on the phone call and meeting with the MoH (Minister of Health) for Mental Health for this region. She will be the one who determines what I am allowed to do and what my scope can be. Until then I am in a holding pattern, so research and planning continues.

I have hope that maybe by Tuesday afternoon I can go out into the community and actually start to get a better understanding of things here. I feel like I am complaining a lot but I just feel so useless. I keep being told that they need mental health help but here I am tucked away in an office, doing what feels like nothing. Waiting…

We did go back to the hospital on Tuesday. I once more met with Susan, the case worker for GBV, and we attempted to meet with the hospital administrators. Once more they were not there. However, it did give us time to discuss more of the work in the hospital and we also discussed the community more, so I had a better understanding of some things in the society here.

There is a potential case that may come my way as well. One big barrier is figuring out where I can meet with people. My office would be ideal if it had privacy but it does not offer much privacy and it is not convenient for people to come and meet with me. One task we are working on is finding a place that will be more ideal. Until then I am going to keep brainstorming.

Another case was referred to me during the day, someone struggling with undisclosed mental illness who is also post-natal (unclear how long) but that is all the information I have on her. So Tuesday drew to a close with two potential cases but no plans on actually seeing them or knowing where I might be able to see these people.

Wednesday there is a nibble! Something seeming little but a purpose. Something more for me to do. I met with Francis, my boss for all intents and purposes. I have heard from several colleagues that they want to discuss mental health, not just to those that work in the community but general information.

So I now have a project to work on. I will be doing short information sessions every Monday after the general staff meeting. My plan is to pick a different topic each week and present for 30 minutes, and try to get the staff to engage a bit with me. The purpose of these presentations is not just to inform people about the mental health issues they may see in the community but to allow them some sense of self-discovery and tools to deal with their own mental health.

I say this often, but everyone needs mental health help at some point in their life. It doesn’t have to be in a crisis situation either. So I hope by providing some mental health education my co-workers may be able to see if there is something they are struggling, recognize if someone they know is struggling with their own mental health, and give them some basic tools to help themselves with their own mental health and improve their self-care and resiliency.

I hope this will more open up the dialogue with the staff and I about the issues they face. Maybe, if anyone feels they want to talk, this will give them the courage to talk. Not necessarily in the group setting, but outside of the sessions. I have tried to make it known that I am available to talk if anyone has anything they wish to talk about.

While I will not be able to educate all the staff, I hope that over the course of my time here I will have time to do some education with most of them. I know that most of my colleagues have faced some major traumas, and while I will not start off with that topic week one, I plan on talking about it at least a time or two in different weeks.

So Wednesday afternoon after my meeting I feel as though I have a little more direction to go with my work. Back in the office I go but this time I know at least one project to work on and a place to start with something. Baby steps.

Thursday I am still in the office but I have at least some specific tasks to work on. I spend the morning refining some of my material and prepping more to go into the education slides for the upcoming sessions.

The morning is broken up by a two hour meeting with different NGO organizations and UN affiliates. The focus of this meeting is Child Protection across the country. Different NGOs and organizations handle child protection in different areas. I am working with our CP program here.

We discusses different offenses that have occurred in the past month, what actions have been taken, what needs to met there still are, and other issues. There are concerns of some issues coming up so people are discussing different strategies. The work is complicated. The man leading the group is very passionate about his work so that make it a productive meeting.

After that concludes it’s back to my office for more time on the computer. Most of my PowerPoints and such should be ready soon. If I had a hard deadline to do much of this, I probably would have had more done by now but with no pressure to get things done I am moving slowly.

Breaking for lunch is still weird to me. I am driven back to the compound for an hour break. Being used to not taking a full 30 minute break often the lunch hour (which inevitably turns longer than an hour waiting for someone to drive back and get me) I do not know what to do with all that time.

Thursday concludes with more of the same. PowerPoint presentation work and research. However, another glimmer of hope, this time more on a personal level. Samuel drives me to the market where we walk around for a few minutes while I decide what I need. He also is encouraging me to try and get out more in the community and try the local food. He has talked to people in the office. Friday I will walk to get food, and for this I am glad.

Friday starts as a bit of a bust. The meeting has been cancelled and we did not know. I guess several committee members are in the capital. And the time at the clinic doesn’t happen because “there are not many patients” so I am in the office. I am going to keep pushing though.

Paru visited my office on Friday late morning with a request. There are a group of girls who have suffered traumas growing up. They are struggling in school and being bullied by the boys also in their group. They will not open up to the other staff working with them because they are all males and the girls were abused by men. So Paru asked me if I can go next week, meet with them, and see if I can get them to open up. Also, myself and the team, can do a further assessment to see what else, support wise, our organization can do and how I can help.

Paru has a lot of passion for mental health care and is very enthusiastic in everything he does. I missed some of what he was saying because he was talking so quickly but I got the important bits. I think he will end up being a good resource during my time here. He has already been very helpful.

Friday sees another success! I went to lunch with my co-workers at one of the shops down the road from our office. The food was really good, and sharing a meal with my co-workers was very nice. I hope to spend more time with them, not doing work.

After lunch I am hot and sleepy and have little work left to do. I wander the work compound a little, trying to explore but not be intrusive or seem weird. Still, I needed to stretch. It is 98*F on Friday. Possibly the hottest it has been since I have come. I wore scrubs all week. It’s too hot for scrubs. I’m going back to skirts next week.