Changes

I don't think it is possible for me to have not changed on my trip to South Sudan. As my days begin to tick down to 0, I have been reflecting on how I have changed over the past 5+ months. I think I have changed, but at times it is hard to see how I have changed.

I think the biggest way that I have changed is how I look at the word. Living in South Sudan has put a lot of different things into perspective. Certainly, it has given me a new view on what poverty looks like in a developing country. Things that mattered to me in the US don't matter to me here.

So many of the societal issues are created because of the materialistic nature of the Western World. Here people get by with so little but know how to find happiness without so many materialistic things. The community and sense of connection to each other is something I have never seen in the US. Certainly, communities can be close, and we see Hallmark movies that depict towns rallying around each other and carrying for each other, but the reality is the US tends to be mostly self-centered.

You learn that many of the things you think are huge problems in the US are really rather trivial. We spend too much time worrying about things that are rather insignificant. I suppose that is a luxury of being in a developed nation like the US. But I am still awed and humbled by the struggles that the people here face and the grace with which they shoulder the challenges and burdens.

I look at money in a much different light now. I have never been one to spend money without considering the costs long-term. But here you really have to think about how you spend money and what is most important to spend money on. $200 USD here may send a child to school for an entire term, and that is not just one of the community schools, but a decent school. I take a pause when I spend money more so now and acknowledge why I am spending the money and what I am truly getting out of it.

I certainly learned you can live without a lot of the things that you think you can't be without in the US. I gave away many of the things I came over with, and didn't end up using quite of few of the things I brought with me. Despite the fact that I am going home with 2 bags still they are full of things like new clothes (I did spend money getting some fun dresses here) and some gifts (one's I was given and ones I have for others), I didn't keep a lot of what I came over with and I am okay with that.

I did not need a lot. I can get by without a lot of things. There were a few things I would have liked to have brought with me that if I come back, I would bring. But if I come back, I think I would focus on being able to bring things for others, rather than on what I need, because access to even things like a book, are so much more limited here.

Overall, you also take a good long look at being wasteful. Trying to make sure you are not wasting a single thing is huge. I felt immense guilt if I couldn’t finish a meal or food went bad (learning to live without refrigeration was a challenge). In the medical facilities supplies are so limited that I had to learn how they did without basics like gloves, tape, or even electricity. It puts in perspective just how wasteful we are in the US.

As I ate my last meal in Juba, before I went to the airport, I marveled at the fact that I think nothing of eating at a place with a dirt floor, with probably questionable hygiene standards. I eat more freely with my hands here, which is very normal way to eat meals. I actually like eating with my hands a lot. It is a different experience. Also, meals tend to be more communal and we share plates with friends here. I like that.

Maybe some of the ways that I have changed will be more subtle than others. I'm not done changing or adjusting either. I am pretty sure I will continue to change as I come back home to the US. But I hope I have changed, and I hope I can take some of the things that I have learned and integrate them into my life back in the US. Maybe not everyone will like the way I view the world now or the ways I have changed, but as a member of the global community I think it is important to change and get outside all the comforts of life in the US.