The Why's

When I was 17 I was sitting at a traffic light in Jamesville and I remember in that moment, on this very random night, I made the conscious decision to do medical volunteer work overseas when I was older. I held onto the goal without a real plan. While I have not always been medically focused in my career, I did know that what I wanted to do was some form of medical work overseas in an area and county that needed medical help. 

Fast forward to my senior year of college  for my first degree, I felt unfocused and unsure of what I wanted to do with my career. I still held onto the goal that I wanted to work overseas. On Sundays when I would get to church early to help serve with the rest of the ministry, I would often pray about what my future would hold and how I would find my ability to serve. I briefly entertained the idea of joining the Jesuit Volunteer Corp. However, I ended up following a different path. 

One of the motivating factors for me going to nursing school was to be able to do holistic medicine. I love the idea of integrating traditional medications with holistic therapies and western medication. Once I became a nurse, however, it became unclear if I was ever going to be able to utilize this interest and passion of mine. However, I still wanted to practice those skills so I did CEU hours and then sat for my Holistic Board Certification in February of 2021. 

Just prior to this I had applied to and got accepted into another program with another NGO that would have taken me to Malawi Africa. However, due to some external conflicts with scheduling, work, and other obligations (and a pandemic underway) I was unable to go on that mission. While I had no regrets about not going I really wanted to serve overseas. I just had to take that next step. Besides prior to the start of the pandemic I was down in North Carolina talking to my great aunt about wanting to go to Africa and she supported me. I hope now her spirit is with me on my journey.

So this year I made the decision that I was finally going to follow my dreams and go after something I really wanted to be involved with. I researched different organizations that would take a psychiatric nurse on and would do the kind of mission work I was interested in doing. CMMB was the organization that hit the most "check marks" with the things I was looking for in an organization. Then it was months of applications and interviews, and a lot of various nitty-gritty things until I got the email in October that I had been selected to leave in January of 2023 for South Sudan. 

So why South Sudan? There is a lot that went into the decision and a lot of things that I considered. Initially, as I stated earlier, I had got accepted to other countries, with the other organization. When I applied to CMMB I specifically chose South Sudan as my primary destination. I had also potentially had the chance to go to Kenya but with my particular skill set the decision was made that South Sudan was the best option for me. 

I wanted to go to South Sudan for a variety of reasons. I have some very close friends who are from there and having heard some of the stories they have shared with me I feel a connection to the country and to those people that I do not hold for other countries. It is a blessing to be trusted enough by someone to have them share their story with you, potentially sharing some of their darker moments. One of my good friends Dominic often encouraged me to travel to Africa and South Sudan. When I first met him he was open and shared with me about his life growing up there, and answered the hundred plus questions I had for him.

I have other friends from there. And I fell in love with a man from there shortly after graduating nursing school. My ex-boyfriend was from South Sudan. During the 2.5 years we were together we talked about traveling there and even about living there some day if we both liked it. Even when that relationship ended my desire to travel there did not end. I have continued to meet people from there, to hear stories and to learn more about the culture. I have read dozens of books on the history of South Sudan and the Lost Boys (more on that to come).  

Deciding to volunteer in South Sudan feels right. I know more about the different cultures there than I do about a lot of other cultures around the world. Also, it will be nice and more meaningful to give back to a community, even in a small way, that has given me some very important people in my life. I have researched the dangers of going. I have read lots of news and other articles, and Dominic and I have talked about the travel. Hearing from him and a few others about South Sudan and the dangers and also the good things that I will come across, I still feel that my decision is the right one. I have to have faith that I can be as safe as possible as I chase my dream. 

This journey ahead is scary at times and doesn't always make sense but I feel that it is one I want to take. I knew the instant I was offered the volunteer role that this was something I wanted to do. Making the decision felt right. Even though I am anxious and nervous about going I am excited as well. I am looking forward to this journey though I know it won't be easy. 

Deciding to Go

Making the decision to move myself thousands of miles across the Atlantic ocean to a country that I know limited information about is intimidating. I spent months researching different organizations and different destinations I could go to. Many places had language requirements. Some required letters from church leaders before one could apply for the volunteer position. 

I went through a series of emails and video calls with CMMB before I was selected for the role of volunteer psychiatric nurse. I had to meet with people from South Sudan before I was able to really make a decision about where I wanted to go. There were many late night moments of panic, lots of internet searches, and thankfully several friends that could talk me down from my moments of panic.

Deciding to go to South Sudan was both one of the easiest and hardest decisions to make. Once I had been accepted into the program as a volunteer saying “yes” was easy. I didn’t have to think it through really. I knew that this was what I wanted to do and if I didn’t do it I would regret it. But in other ways it was hard. Before I officially made the decision, the months leading up to this, were filled with lots of different thoughts floating through my head. 

Googling travel to South Sudan is intimidating and can be scary. There is so much negative information on the internet. Many times when you google something about South Sudan the information was all negative in nature. However, since I have plenty of people in my life from South Sudan and because I have done more in-depth research I realize that not all the news and information is current or correct. 

Now this does not mean that I am ignoring the safety concerns but I am trying to go in with an open mind and a reminder that the news and even the state department paint the county in one broad way while not discerning that different areas are safer to go to than others. Still I will be taking caution. I have learned over the years, living in various cities, working at different hospitals, being a female, and traveling a lot, about being safe. I am doing many things to ensure my safety and prepare myself for this journey. 

I don’t really have the words right now to adequately talk about my decision to go to South Sudan. I hope in a follow up blog I can talk more about why I chose here and about some of the other influences on my decision to work as a medical volunteer abroad but right now there just isn’t an adequate way for me to talk about it so I will leave this as is. I will try and write soon with a little more about how preparing to leave is going.